Kimness

My girl Oni striking her serious cat pose.

Archaeologists working at the ancient Roman city of Pompeii, Italy uncovered the remains of a 30-year old man who appears to have survived the initial eruption of Vesuvius in 79A.D., only to be killed when he was struck by a large slab of stone. (CNN posted earlier today)

(Narrator voice) His death proves that sometimes you are just shit out of luck.

Any man that can do this should definitely be allowed to.

Going Solo

Can I tell you how much I love going to see a movie alone? No talking? Perfect. Ability to get a GOOD seat, not front row, for the newest box office hit on a whim? Definitely. And for $20 I can get a ticket, single-serve bag of popcorn and mass quantities of Diet Coke. So I already knew and happily planned on seeing Solo, solo. And this happened:

After telling the ticket clerk I needed one ticket for the next Solo she looked at me and said “I LOVE going to the movies alone. It’s so freeing, you don’t have to worry if anyone else likes the movie, just you!”

And then this happened:

My seat was next to, a best guess, a pre-teen boy and his dad.

(Narrator voice) Kim is not being judgmental, but she is probably still going to sound bitchy when she describes her movie tavern neighbors.

Well, they were both pasty, tubby grunt-speakers. And I’m pretty sure the kid was dropping some popcorn farts toward the end of the movie.

(Narrator voice) Well fuck, Kim. Definitely bitchy.

I guess my point was that I am tan, not as tubby and most definitely not a grunter with a limited vocabulary, so maybe we didn’t look like we would be ........together. Imagine how hard I laughed when the waiter asked me “And you ma’am?”

 “OH WE’RE NOT TOGETHER” immediately rolled off my tongue. It was several minutes later before it occurred to me that maybe....to the waiter... I looked like I belonged with those guys....
Getting old is humbling shit.


Loved the movie, by the way!

Last 24 Hours

It is hard to get any writing done when someone demands to sit in my lap....

Brutus chilling on the only wall he cares about.

And sometimes you need a little more purple in your life.

Holding Space

We help each other by holding space for each other, by giving the energy of our attention to the pain and struggle of another human being.

“A healer does not heal you. A healer is someone who holds space for you while you awaken your inner healer, so that you may heal yourself.” ~Maryam Hasnaa

I recently read an interesting piece, The Importance of Holding Space By Helen Avery
In the piece she tries to explain what holding space for someone really means.  She writes from her yoga training perspective, but I wanted to touch (pun intended) on it from a massage therapist's point of view. Holding space.......tough to put a finger on it and offer up a complete definition, but here goes!

Doing nothing while still absolutely supporting someone is an aspect of holding space. In my world this can come from emotional and/or physical pain. Sometimes when a pelvis is tight and the client is not able to relax, I simply hold their sacrum in my hand, take on the weight of the body that the sacrum normally stabilizes, and allow the restricted parts of their body an opportunity to relax with a timeout.  I hold that space until it is ready to take back on the body-weight, when the muscles are relaxed and ready to get working again, and the bones are more in alignment. Sounds fairly easy, but the client has to be able to release their body and allow it to unwind.  Most folks do not even realize how much tension they are holding UNTIL they finally let go and the wave of ahhhhh rolls over them. But in this space, I do not try to force the body to change, I do not try to fix the body, I hold space and the body fixes itself. 

We may call it different things but we can hold space emotionally too.  Ever have a friend come by and just purge their every thought about the problems they are having? They didn't ask for advice so you do not offer any. They just need to be heard without fear of being judged or feeling like they are inadequate, so you just listen. You offer them a safe place to vent, to cry, plot the murder of their ex,  to just let go. You held their space so they could let go of all that stress, anger, hurt, pain.....and then they come back in a better place. In massage, emotional pain can be attached to physical pain, so releasing the emotional component can sometimes help the physical release. Here is a lovely example:

I was working with a lady who came in for a relaxation massage and she didn't list any areas of pain, so I was just doing a general Swedish massage on her, when I found this tremendous knot on the back side of her right leg. I asked her if she knew how she had gotten this knot and she explained that she was running through an airport trying to catch a last minute flight to go see her brother and she hit herself with luggage and tripped. Then she laughs, sniffles while laughing, and tells me that her brother was dying and it was her last chance to see him alive. She said she remembers him every time that she has pain in her leg and thinks it was his last brotherly dig before he left the world. And then it happened. Her leg relaxed. The knot released. She had a deep sigh and then she was back from 2 months ago when she lost her brother, and back with less pain.

Support with balance and trust is another part of holding space. I can gently remind clients to not hold their breath or to try to relax and let me have a body part, but sometimes it's harder to do than you  might think.  Take me for example. I get regular massages, I stretch, drink water, and am overall a fairly flexible person. For most of my life I had no clue that I was constantly clinching my butt cheeks for stability. My hips are hyper-mobile so I can bend like nobody's business, but with all those loosey goosey moves, the trade off is core stability issues. I had been clinching for so long it was normal, a pattern. The first time a therapist held my sacrum was profound. It took me a couple of minutes to relax and figure out how to give my body to her, but then it washed over me. It felt like my pelvis dropped six inches into the table and my body REALLY relaxed. She didn't try to push my body in any direction. She just held me, supported me and let my body heal naturally. We worked as a team, we were balanced. She trusted my body to tell her what it needed and I believed she could help me restore myself.

This practice is uncomfortable for a lot of people. It is not natural for most of us to sit with silence or not offer opinions and advice, touch or hug, when we are trying to show support for someone. Opening yourself up to feeling these things can be tough too, because it makes you take a good look at how you process your own stuff. You may find there are things you would like to change about yourself, how you relate to others. If you can allow yourself to try it once, you will open yourself up to a whole new way of thinking and feeling. Mindfulness. Acceptance. Unconditional positive regard. Check-ins with yourself and others. Really letting go. Being present. 

All good stuff. Tip of the iceberg.

Toadstools

 If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. ~Katherine Mansfield

 Few humans see fairies or hear their music, but many find fairy rings of dark grass, scattered with toadstools, left by their dancing feet. ~Judy Allen

Rosie, the stick-fetchingest bitch in town.

Oni

To say that my cat has a peculiar personality is putting it mildly.  She is a creature of comforts and she likes her routine. But some of her routines.....

Oni likes her food bowl to be full of food or she meows like there is no kitty tomorrow. Since she was a stray, she did not get regular meals and although she has been fed daily for almost four years, she still has some food anxiety issues. Her food bowl is in the laundry room so every time I go to do laundry I am greeted by a yowling cat who weaves around my legs pleading her case for food.  It doesn't matter if it has been 10 minutes past her last meal, she will beg.

If I am standing by my kitchen sink, my sliding doors or my front door Oni demands to be held. She will meow, attempt to climb up my leg and try her best to get on my shoulder. She loves being draped over my shoulder....

Which leads me to one of her other favorite things to do. She LOVES to be held as soon as I get out of the shower. She will wait patiently in the bathroom, usually right beside the shower, and as soon as I turn off the water she begins her approach. meow meow MEOW MEOW MEOW  She waves her little jazz paws and poises herself on the sink ledge, all the while staring at me to see if I will give her the hand signal to come. The moment I put the towel over my shoulder she leaps on the towel and immediately starts purring. This is something she has done since she was a kitten and I have no idea why she likes it, but she does. I always hold her for a minute or two and when I put her down she protests before slinking away. So I figured I might as well add a post-shower pic for posterity.

And Martha Stewart has nothing on me....except a better decorator's budget. The plant is Bee Balm and it is supposed to attract hummingbirds.

Chillaxin on my deck.

Putting It Out to the Universe

Yes, this sounds very hippie dippy and I definitely picked up that verbiage at massage school, but this is how I ask for something I want or need to improve my particular situation. Some folks pray--and in some respects I think this is something akin to prayer, just without a specific deity in mind. I put it out to the universe....I mean why limit yourself to just one world?

Sometimes when I need a little extra cash, I will ask the universe for a few more massage appointments in the next week or so. More often than not I get the clients I asked for. Sometimes I wish for a client to cancel so I can have a day off or end my workday earlier than planned. Luckily for me and my clients this is not a regular thing! But the key is to embrace it either way, day off or day of healing with a salary. Win. Win.

Recently I asked the universe to help me out with two more massage appointments per month to pay for my lawn care service. This week a regular weekly massage client asked me to start traveling to his office for his SECOND massage of the week, he would continue to see me at my place for his standing appointment. Mow Mutha Mow!

Yanni or Laurel

So I saw this trending on Twitter and after ignoring it for a day my curiosity got the better of me and I had to see what the latest internet debate was all about. So I clicked on the link and hit play. Nothing happened. Refreshed. Nothing. Swore, gave my computer the finger for wasting my time, got up and put the silly test out of my mind. Many hours later when I saw more posts about this, I successfully took the test and could hear both, but more Laurel.

Last night when I climbed in bed and turned on my Amazon rain music for some white noise, I got a surprise. When the wi-fi speaker paired with my Ipad, the Yanni Laurel test that initially did not work for me was playing on my speaker. YANNI YANNI YANNI  For a half second my eyes bugged and my heart skipped a beat until I realized what had just happened. For that half second I didn't know if there was a strange man in my house or we had just entered Kimityville Horror. Guess that will teach me to not curse my computer......



I think I could take Superman on as a client.

                                                                            ......but I'd prefer Mr. Pool-- c u next tuesday

Imagine

Such beauty needs to be shared! Thank you for sharing.

Backyard

Odd looking hummingbird

Random Kimness

When two clients in one week told me how they envy my ability to really just do nothing on days I deem downtime, I figured it was time for a reminder.

My $7 Costco roses sure look pretty!

And this crazy thing was part of my "tip" yesterday! A dark chocolate high heel shoe and FIVE boxes of Girl Scout cookies. I texted that info to my trade buddy and she replied "Pace yourself" lol.

Heard This Week on the Massage Table

This week I found out perspective is everything.

Client/Friend:  You live this amazing life! You are single! You do what you want, when you want and you don't have to answer to ANYONE!  You get to spend loads of time alone! You go to movies by yourself. You eat out whenever you don't want to cook. You are comfortable in your skin. That is awesome.... and I admit that I am jealous of all that quiet time myself.

And rather than sharing the whole conversations, I am only going to list SOME of the more interesting topics that were discussed in massage sessions this week.

Albino catfish
Captain America and his pesky shirt... and beard
Opossums have bifurcated penises
Shrewd ways to get out of mowing the lawn
Lots of  Avengers speculation
Gay Johnny Storm  reboot
CBD Massage oil and the after effects of the massage
More opossums...twas trending
Being Rambo competitive


And finally.

My massage therapist upon touching my problem area "HOLY COW, LADY!"




 

No Rush

Prior to becoming a licensed massage therapist, I spent 13 years of my working life as an emergency services dispatcher...aka 911 operator. Three of those years I was a supervisor with a mostly regular M-F work schedule. Almost all of the rest of my time in emergency services required me to work 12 hour shifts on rotating schedules. Rotating from days to nights, sometimes on a 28 day rotation. (I just kicked my Ambien addiction that this ridiculous work schedule necessitated.) To say these work schedules were stressful is severely under selling it. Then the actual work aspect of the job could be quite stressful too. Answering 911 calls and successfully gleaning all the important information from a person who could possibly be having the worst moment of their lives, and doing it in the fastest time possible is not always easy, and it's certainly not a job that just anybody can do. Everything about this job involved rushing. Rushing to answer calls by the second ring. Rushing to dispatch calls in two minutes or less. Meals were inhaled at the desk....between emergencies. Rushing to the restroom and hoping your absence was not missed much. I loved and hated this job. The best part of my time in 911, was learning some awesome life skills and working with some crazy good people. My time management skills are killer. Multi-tasking? Art form.  Some of the negative effects were my emotions had to be compartmentalized in order to not feel anything when I was taking a 911 call and my adrenaline rushes ruled my life. Don't hate me for saying this but trauma was what made my job exciting, it required focus, thinking on my feet and making split second decisions, it was a mad rush until the cop, firefighter, medic, dog warden, etc arrived on the scene of the incident.Ya know how hard is it to come to grips with knowing that someone's tragedy was your fun day at work? So my body starting telling me that we had to slow down and make some changes.



When our bodies are fed a constant stream of stress with no down time, our bodies will start to rebel. My body's rebellion was in the form of:
Sleep deprivation.
Migraine headaches.
Weight changes.
Mood swings.
Combative personality.
 
Relaxation was not in my daily routine yet. Competitive Go-getter. Goal oriented. Focused. This was what I knew intimately. When I reached a goal,  I began looking to the next goal, there was no rest for the wicked. Now when you are living in stress and all you know is stress, you really have no idea just how messed up you are....nor how stressed you really are. You may be perceived as negative or as having hard edges. You might feel like you are really misunderstood. A lot. In my case I was unaware of how tense I really was and how my sarcasm left folks wondering if I was a bitch or if I  just had a warped sense of humor.  I had no idea how to relax, to be okay with not always winning.  I was clueless as to how jacked up I was. I had no idea how to share my emotions, that had been bottled up for YEARS with 911 trauma. I knew I had to change but exactly how does one learn to "just be"? It was a journey.

When I got to massage school I was told that I was wearing my shoulders for earrings because my shoulders were always tensed up. I was told I had a hard look, someone not to mess with.
So Old Kim set a few goals to change this situation. lol
1. I decided I was not going to be as competitive and would not aim to get the best score in massage school (like I normally tried to do in all my other classes). I set a goal of just getting an A. I wanted to do well but I could be excellent without the extra pressure. Just taking that out of the equation was amazingly freeing. I started applying this to everything in my life. Be good but perfection was no longer my goal. Celebrate others when they win instead of beating myself up about losing. Although I still tend to want to win, I can totally walk away without being devastated when I am not top dog. 
2.  Start feeling again.  And to do this meant that I had to slow down, open myself up to truly feeling things again, which meant lowering my shields and exposing myself to hurt and pain as well as the beauty. Start of school I was not a big crier, when it happened it was shocking for all involved.
By the end of school I was a gushy mess watching Hallmark commercials. The only part I had to work out now was when to feel and when to shield. Another post.
3.  Be open to new stuff. Meet new people. Try to eat healthier food and have more water. Try alternative healing besides massage therapy. Also another post.

Goals achieved. Rushed right out and got two awesome jobs doing massage therapy and the rest is history. Just kidding. My professional life was doing great, my nurturing side was getting consistently better and my body gradually started relaxing, but I  still had stressful days of total chaos that were largely due to my personal life.  Old Kim was a fighter. She set another goal. She was stubborn and knew she could eventually fix this part of her life too.  But goals are a funny thing. You can also have term limits on those babies. Turns out mine was going to end one way or another in 2016....in January of  2016 I set a  new goal: I would have peace with or without a husband.  This was not a rushed decision. I waited 10 years. I won't say it was wasted because there were some great times over the years and I think it made me a better person in the end, but after the dust settled I can honestly say I am the most relaxed I have ever been and I have peace 99% of the time now.  Alas, without a husband.....but at least I met my goal. 😉

So remember all those problems I had due to stressors in my life?  I have gotten way better.  I am not sleeping 8 hours but I sleep without medication now.  Migraines that used to happen a half dozen times a month have been about a half dozen over several years and without medication. My weight is 139 at the moment. I got down to 129 but I have been in a glutton phase and have no shame in admitting I am eating carbs like a crazy woman right now. At my most miserable point I weighed 168. My mood swings are gone. My argumentative personality is also mostly gone.  If you stress me out or cloud me with negativity I will simply walk away. 

I still set goals but now I don't rush to make them happen.  I am more of a "let it happen" and "no big deal if things change" kinda gal these days. Some days I purposely miss a green light so I can listen to a great song on the radio. Some days I sit for hours on my deck without uttering a word. New Kim likes gazing at the moon, appreciating the pastel colors of winter sunsets, rolling on the floor with her furry babies.........and just being.

What Would Happen If....

.... we treated our loved ones the same way we treat our pets?  And what if our pets treated us the same way we treat them? There is a lot of ground to cover in this cosmic wormhole of truth, but let's really think about this for a moment.  Most pets rely on us for protection and food, but they also need companionship and just like asking for food and water, they will ask for your attention. I will start with that.

My furry babies are happy, healthy and quite spoiled. (My great-aunt would say "They're not spoiled. They all smell that way.") They get treats, have loads of toys, get massage therapy daily, and they get to sleep with me. I work with them using hand signals and voice commands.  Oni is the rebel but she listens and minds me most of the time.  Brutus is just a happy little dog who wants to please you 99 out of 100 times.  But some days are better than others for us. Some days I am asked for more love. Oni meows, waves her paws in front of my face...jazz fingers and all, head butts me, and/or lays on my iPad when all else fails.   Brutus wags his tail and taps me gently or stands on the sofa staring at me until I make eye contact. I always apologize to them and tell them I will do better and then I play with them and massage them. They are content and feel well-loved and I feel better too.  So what would happen if your spouse came up and rubbed against you and smiled? Would you be too busy to hug them? Say something playful? Ignore them? Or would you stroke their face and return the smile?

I maintain that we all communicate our needs but sometimes the message is not received, not understood, or not appreciated. Brutus will paw at me when he needs something. If I ignore him he will lean into me with the doggie version of his elbow. Then I ask him questions to see what he is trying to tell me....not quite "Timmy's in the well again, Lassie?" but same idea.  Eventually he spins in a circle when I say the word he is trying to convey and I react accordingly. What if we did this with our spouse? "Hungry, honey? Have I not loved on you enough today? Come sit by me and let me stroke your back." Not scientific data to back it up but I bet there would be a lot less arguments and relationships would improve considerably with some pet talk.

The other part of this truth. What if our pets were too busy to snuggle with us? Snapped at us when we were trying to share the events of our day with them? Tied us up and left us outside with no human contact for hours, days?  What if we cried and they smacked us or growled at us? Luckily for us our animal family members are better custodians than we humans are. They are very forgiving and far more trusting than humans, more pure hearts. We could learn a lot from animals.

Like, are you gonna swat those flirty advances away or see them as your lover asking for attention? Ignore those heavy sighs or put down your Twitter feed and ask about their day? You can probably skip the Frisbee in the park, but Pet Talk might be my first million.....

Hump Day

Fifteen. My favorite number. Also the number of massages I have done since Sunday. To say I am tired and really happy to have a day off tomorrow, (don’t even mind tomorrow’s annual gyno appointment because I can lay down for most of it) doesn’t begin to explain how wiped out I am right now. But MT starts right now. Egg McMuffin for supper. Don’t knock it til you try it...love that I can get a fresh one all day long! Hair appointment tomorrow. Probably won’t cook tomorrow either, good measure and all. Some camera time today and tomorrow. Here is a sampling and a story:

This beautiful iris is the first to bloom this year. A client gave me several varieties of his iris bulbs last summer and this is one of the loveliest results.

I shot this without a tripod, using my point and shoot Canon, from my back deck.

Cornhole Talk

Me: I'm sorry. I suck tonight. I only contributed one point to our win. I promise to do better next game.....I might try for two points next game.

Dave: If they gave points for all the beanbags piled up on the ground about 2 inches from the Iowa Hawkeye emblem, we'd be kicking their asses right now.