Rainy Day Tuesday

.....always makes me smile. I love taking pictures of flowers right after a gentle rain. The colors are richer and the flowers truly shine.

Hummers

When you excitedly tell your friend that you have been watching hummers on your back deck all day, sometimes you have to clarify.

The birds and the bees......

Mansplaining

According to Merriam-Webster, Mansplain definition is - to explain something to a woman in a condescending way that assumes she has no knowledge about the topic.
As you can imagine, this is something I am not unfamiliar with.  

Example: This summer I had to get a new exhaust system....three times. When I took my car back the first time I told the mechanic it sounded like something was loose, maybe not bracketed down. Five minutes later he proclaimed it was a defective muffler and he would happily replace it.  Two weeks later when my car started making the same noises I returned to the garage and this time the guy looks at me and says "Well... the chances of you getting two defective mufflers is.. slim."  I lean back looking him in the eye and tell him "Ya know what? I came to that same conclusion.  Which leads us back to I don't think you guys installed this properly.... either time."

Flash forward to next mansplaining with a quick back story.  I have a dead tree in my backyard that is scheduled to be cut down in about 10 days.  It was supposed to have happened 9 days ago but the storms that wiped out power all over town made my tree a low priority, understandably.  So imagine my surprise a couple of weeks ago when, on a perfectly sunny day while I was chilling on my back deck, a huge limb fell out of my neighbor's walnut tree and ripped the internet line from the side of my house.  I had KU and Spectrum out to clear the limbs and re-run the line to my house.  So to recap, I have a dead oak tree with zero leaves and dead limbs hanging by a thread and my neighbor has a very green, healthy walnut tree.  Healthy tree is losing limbs, creating chaos. Dead tree is just standing there.

So I am telling my son about the tree incident and he says "How do you know is was his tree and not your dead tree that dropped the limbs?" 

(Blinks. Look at him wondering how this was my spawn)   "Because the limb was covered in GREEN LEAVES and walnuts......and I was sitting on the deck and WATCHED. IT. HAPPEN."

So today I finally get a chance to speak to the guy who owns the house next door to me. I am telling him the story about HIS tree and informed him that I have a tree service coming to address my dead tree, would he like to have them address HIS tree the same day?  Dude, swear to God, looks at me and says "That tree is healthy, no need to do anything to it is there? I mean, do YOU see any dead limbs on it?"
 
(Blinks. Sigh.)  "It's not dead (Moron), you're right (I was amazed too). It's full of walnuts that are weighing down the healthy branches and causing them to snap off. It has pulled my lines down.... SO the tree service will be here on the 9th to work on my dead tree and they will be cutting off anything of yours (and I do mean anything) that is hanging over my fence."

Magic Lilies

I just love these!

Jury Duty

I got notified two weeks ago that I had been selected for jury duty in Fayette District Court during the month of September. I was given 5 days to write back and explain why I was claiming hardship. I wrote back explaining that I was a single woman who is self-employed and I only earn money when I am working. Please and thanks.

     "We received your Juror Qualification Form and unfortunately, the Judge's Staff cannot excuse you from jury duty.  You may discuss your situation with the Judge at the Jury Orientation"

......yadda yadda bring your ass to court.


So now I am torn. Do I show up for my juror orientation wearing a white wife-beater tank top, without a bra, short shorts and a red MAGA hat or wild hair, MAKE WEED LEGAL tee shirt, jeans and flip flops?  I am open to suggestions.

Not a Chatter

So I need opinions on this.  I play Words with Friends with several friends and family members and occasionally when I want a few more games I will accept the game suggestions for new opponents.  Last week I accepted new games with two strangers.  Turns out both of these players are chatters.  I am not. I mean I don't chat much at all with people I know and like, why would chatting with strangers be appealing? But my mother raised me right and my manners dictated chatting.

First dude is polite but wants to tell me every intimate detail of his life. I emoji'd him for most of the game. It was just fine. But at the end of our game he asked me for my email address. I politely declined the next game offer of his. Not looking for friends and pen-pals. Just came to play a game.

So second dude has Elvis something blah blah as his handle: "Hello My Dear Friend!"
Me: hi

At this point I am absolved of any further interaction. I was polite. I came to win, not chat. Let's rock Elvis.

But every time I logged into my game a new message/question was waiting for me.  Elvis wanted to share all his info with me and he wanted to know everything about me.  Every stinking question began with "My Dear Friend".  😑   what do you do? where do you live? hobbies?  What I wanted to say was "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS" but what I actually said was therapist (played word), Kentucky (played word), and then I just played my turn without answering his message. I was already past done chatting with this annoying fucker. I don't care that he lives in Ireland and heck I don't even remember what he said his job was because I did not care to know, I just wanted to play a game. Period.

Elvis: My Dear Friend, did you get my last message? Are you blah blah blah (Okay I admit I zoned out after the first line of the message myself so.....)
Me:  (played word)

Dude keeps messaging me, I finally said I like to read and then I simply acknowledged that I had read his messages without answering anything further about myself. Beat his ass and really needed the win because his last message to me was "My Dear Friend, can I ask you a personal question?".  I mean COME ON! In my mind I was screaming WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY DO YOU NOT GET THAT I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU? Incredulous. Disgusted. Done. I declined his invitation for another game and I never answered his last message.

I mean am I being overly sensitive about this or were both of these guys just a little creepy? It's possible the first fellow was just lonely and probably was, but I just found it odd to want to continue more of his oversharing and me emoji'n  Elvis had definitely left the building.  I am a skeptic at heart and I am empathic so I got creepy vibes and knew I needed zero contact.

.....but now I will never know what Elvis wanted to ask me.

NO HAPPY ENDINGS

I am often asked two questions about my profession:

#1 What made you decide to become a massage therapist?
                                    and
#2 Have you ever had a man do something inappropriate in a session?

Since two men in two days asked me Question #2, I thought I should share my TWO experiences. Now given that I have been doing massage therapy since 2006 and I have only had two clients make inappropriate suggestions to me, I feel like I am ahead of the masses.....or maybe I am just too homely for men to make passes at.....either way I consider myself lucky. I think it also helps that at the bottom of my intake forms there is this disclaimer:  "All massages are completely non-sexual".   Both sessions occurred in clinics where I worked as an independent contractor. Since I have gone to only accepting clients from word of mouth referrals, I have not had anymore incidents.

My first perv came as a new client in a small clinic in 2007. He was 30ish, clean, friendly and a farrier. He explained that he had horse hooves in his groin and abdomen all day long and he held a lot of tension in these areas. Reasonable. I saw him for 90 minutes and he was on the edge of  inappropriate flirting, but he did not cross the line--more of walking up and taking a peek over. I noted this in his chart.  He tipped me $30 which was outstanding in 2007.  Two weeks later he returned for his second massage. (Holy cow the number 2 is crazy train today)  This time he was out of the gates VERY flirty. I tried to let him know nicely that I was uncomfortable with his advances but it did not deter him. He tugged at the sheets until I told him to be careful as WE didn't want to expose something accidentally. With 15 minutes left in his massage he asked me if I had any extra "lotion".  I told him no and added that he didn't need any lotion anyway. Client flipped the sheet back, rubbed his hands on his thighs to get lube, and grabbed his penis. I announced that his session was over due to his being perverted and walked out of the treatment room. I figured he would stiff me (pun intended) on the fee for his 90 minute massage, but he came out and paid me in full with another $30 tip and pretended nothing had just happened.  I documented all this in his SOAP chart.

Now the rest of this story is: This happened on my birthday.  And this bozo called back trying to get another massage from me. When my associate told him that I had marked him as someone I would not work with again, he told her that he had no idea that he had offended me.  I mean who doesn't like to see strangers touch their private parts?


Now, this next story is comical.  He was 92 years old, WW2 veteran, had cancer and was rolled into my treatment room in a wheelchair. I had to help him get his shirt and socks off. Things were going just fine and then out of the blue comes "You can rub my pecker if you want to."  I simply said "That's not the kind of massage I do." and kept right on working.  When his massage was over I reported the incident to my supervisor and was asked to write up a formal complaint. After getting the report filed I came home and told my husband what had happened.  He asked me why I didn't end the massage immediately and I told him "Well since he was in a wheelchair and older than dirt I figured I could outrun him or kill him anytime I wanted to, so I didn't feel afraid."  Hubby says "Well, I guess I have to give him credit for even still having the inclination at that age!".

Sick Day

.....became camera day just before the latest storm ripped through.  I had time to grill my burgers and snap a few shots from my back deck.

Bee Yoga?

Kinda what I look like doing tree pose

Random Kimness

 From my hiking trip a couple of weeks ago.

 He took a little cat nap.....

Kim's dead tree branch meets Andy Warhol?

Anniversary Without Celebration

Today would have been my 11th wedding anniversary. I have been sad, happy, disappointed and enchanted throughout the day. Knowing my bff was out of town, I had anticipated being alone and hoped to not be too irritable or depressed. I was determined to help my odds by reminding myself ....... how much better my life is now. 😐

But then I got invited to swim with my son and grandson. And then I was treated to lunch. I bought myself pink roses at the grocery, but it turns out that was not to be my best “flower”.  Grandson presented me with a red clover and said “Here Mimi. I got this for you.” 😍

So Happy Unniversary to me!

My New Love

I am overjoyed!  Spent about 11 hours getting moved in today. After I showered I pretended to be Marilyn Monroe over the floor vent to show my enthusiasm. It was great seeing the old fossils remnants being ripped out and replacing it with a younger, prettier and oh so much quieter model.

So all you fellas who were luring me with promises of air conditioning, I got my own big unit now. You’ll have to bribe me with something else! 💋

Rain or Something Else

This week I was working with a young man who typically jokes around with me the whole time he is getting his massage, and this session was no different. During a lull in the jokes, Pandora streamed a white noise track of rain falling.  Client tells me how relaxing he finds rainfall sounds. It was my turn to play a joke.

Me:  Bet I can change your mind about that rain.

Client:  Ok, how?

Me:  Close your eyes. Hear that rain?

Client: Uh huh

Me:  Now, think about bacon frying on a griddle.

(about 15 seconds passes)

Client:  OMG!  You're right! It sounds just like bacon!

Me: You're welcome. Never again will you hear rain without thinking about bacon.

Pandora must have played every song in their library that had rain sounds during the next 45 minutes. Seriously, 5 or 6 songs with rain or just rain sounds played and we laughed every time a song started up with rain.