Three Strikes You're Out

Date #3:  Pros were: attractive, intelligent, nice conversationalist and would have been catnip for Kimmie in her 30's. The cons: he still held affection for his ex and he was fresh off spending the holidays with her, and he was actively seeking employment on the west coast, where he was originally from, so he wasn't sure how much longer he would be living in Kentucky. So, I knew going in that this was probably not going to work and suggested we could be friends.  He agreed.

Date was movie (which was good), then pub afterward (also good).
Conversation was good, he was a history professor so it was really interesting talking about politics in the past and comparing them to current events, with someone who was passionate about it.
Hugged goodnight.

All good. I knew that I was not interested in dating him, but I had a relatively decent date with an intelligent man and possibly made a new friend.

Now for the rest of the story.

He texts me on the road and says it will be tight for him getting there by movie start time, could I buy the tickets and he can reimburse me? Sure. So I get to the theater and am in line to buy tickets when he walks in and cuts in front of me and says he will take care of it now. Sure. Then he buys ONE ticket. (Surprised and amused, but only internally) So I assumed this meant we were truly going to be just friends.... and I was totally okay with that. For me, it took the pressure off my feeling like a man might think he was paying for something later.

Date goes to restroom and when we walk up to the ticket taker, he claims he was never given a ticket. He pulls out a receipt from his wallet that shows he bought a ticket, but he said he was never issued a ticket.....and then he added "Only in Kentucky does stuff like this happen." Wow. That reminded me a lot of the last Californian I was involved with....ex-hubby. The ex had this air, like he was intellectually superior to just about everyone he met and this guy suddenly struck me the same way. In my mind I recalled seeing a young man pick up a piece of paper and lay it on the wall just outside the restroom area, so I wandered over and VOILA! I found the missing movie ticket. Girl saved the day without any fanfare.

After the movie he suggested we get a drink so I suggested the pub nearby and he followed me there.  When the waitress asked for our order, Date went smug again. "Does your bartender know how to make an Irish Coffee?"  Waitress says she is "pretty sure he can" and her answer made it clear she thought he was stupid for asking this. Date "No, can. he. REALLY. make one right?" Yeah, that was about all the Cali-smug I cared for that evening. Check comes and Date says "Wanna split it down the middle?"  I pitched a $20 on the table and told him I would cover the tip too.

Date ends and although it wasn't a catastrophe, I think it went better than the last two so this was a slight improvement.....or so I thought.

Next morning I get a text:

Date: Mornin

Me: Good morning

Date:  I want to get high and make love with you.

Me:  Uh I am pretty sure we decided we were on the friendship path.

Date: It takes two to tango. (And I couldn't bring myself to add the dancing man and woman emojis he added to his text message

Me:  True, but you can have sex by yourself.

Date:  You don't want to? That wasn't the vibe I got last night....

Me:  I am quite good over here all by myself, thanks.

I quit answering his text messages after this exchange and thankfully I have not heard back from him.



Next!

Birds and Snow!

These little guys have become so accustomed to having a feeder on my back deck, that when it isn't out, they sit by the garden hooks and cheep loudly until I (trained human) put out the bird buffet. When I put the feeders out they were on them in under two minutes and called in all their friends.

The wren and I might be soulmates. LOL

Yeah, I said I wanted snow...

No words for how cold I am right now...

F U Winter! Bird flipping the bird.

And finally...

Honey, does my winter fluff make me look fat?

Does It Serve Me?

Does it serve me? Really? This is what I ask myself when I make decisions about whether to keep something or someone in my life.  Periodically I take inventory and I adjust accordingly.  This might mean me donating some clothes to Goodwill, re-gifting items that I will not use, or maybe selling off old books that no longer interest me.  It can also mean that I occasionally wall myself off from folks that bring heartache, stress and/or pain into my personal life. It's the latter that is on my mind today.

I've recently put myself out into the online dating universe.  Part of my 2019 goals is to get out and be more social....so I am not actively pursuing a man, but I am leaving the door of opportunity open and not really ruling it out either. You might be asking why I would put myself through this craziness and it would be a fair question. My best answer is that I am tired of people asking me why I don't date and why I don't have a man in my life. (It's like an experiment if you will. Does Kimmy really need a man in her life....like loads of well-meaning folks think? Or is she really just going to be content being the single crone? lol)  Now in the past, putting myself in a vulnerable position, a position to have countless men look at a few pictures of me and my life, and read my own words, telling a little about what characteristics I hope for in my ideal mate, and then waiting patiently while the man decides if they think I am interesting and attractive....or not....would totally have stressed me out. But asking myself if my would-be suitor serves me has taken the stress out of this venture.

But now you might be wondering what this crazy woman means when she asks "Does this serve me?".  Another fair question. Here is what it means to me:

Does this person bring me more happiness than pain and stress?
Does the good outweigh the bad most of the time? If so, what percentage of my happiness am I willing to put aside to work on this relationship?
Does this person seem genuine?
Can they appreciate me as I am, with no pretense or expectations of me being anyone less than who I am?
Does giving up my alone time feel like an inconvenience or does it feel better than my peaceful solitude?
Am I willing to give up parts of me to be part of an us?
Does being with this person improve my life?

So how does this play out in life?

Date #1 doesn't like Star Wars, only likes movies about true-life (although he posted he liked "the feel good moment of a feel good movie"), had three kids that he bitched about being ungrateful, was not TALL.

 I like Star Wars a LOT. If you are willing to complain about your kids on a first date, you are WAY too negative to be in my peaceful existence. Not being tall is not a deal breaker, but it was the third strike on a very nice, attractive man because he didn't serve me.



Date #2 was not TALL (sensing a theme?), immediately started calling me Baby in his very country accent and he kept trying to rub my neck and shoulders.

He definitely didn't serve me. lol  In fact, after the show, when he asked what we were going to do next, I answered "I'm not sure what you are doing, but I am going to the house."

This outlook applies to other kinds of rejections as well. Does it serve me to feel badly.....

When an attractive man shows distaste for my tattoos?
When my pottymouth is frowned upon by a potential date?
When I reject a nice man who mansplains something to me multiple times?
When a man sends me messages to tell me how ignorant I am because I don't support Trump?
When a man sends me messages with comments about my breasts?


I know that I am not the Kim for everyone. I love my tattoos and I don't ever want to be made to feel bad for the beautiful art on my body. I know I am not ignorant, in fact I have a fairly high IQ. Most of the time I let intellectual condescension roll off my back, but when looking for my ideal mate it doesn't serve me. I have large breasts. I got used to men gawking at them when I was in my 20's and I joke about them myself now, but let me assure you that I do not feel an ounce of remorse for rejecting men that lead with comments about my body. I am no prude, but I am more than a nice rack and if a man objectifies me, he doesn't serve me.


Maybe I should just scratch dating and start answering "Why don't you have a man, honey?" with


 "Because it doesn't fucking serve me."

Because Politics

This is a cautionary tale, a tale of an online friendship that ended today because.....politics. Anybody who knows me will tell you that I am one of the most open-minded people you might ever meet--or at least meet in Kentucky. lol  But seriously, I come from a place of no judgement and hope for the same. I come with good intentions and hope for the same.  I come from a place of respect and hope for the same. I am usually disappointed and today was no exception.

Earlier today this status update was posted, comparing a biblical story to how our government is functioning--or not functioning these days.

Interesting read. I posted a reasonable, polite question to this friend's status.
Another of this person's friends liked my response and even replied thanking me for my comment. Boom! Friend deletes my post.  WTAF?  I could not retrieve my comment but here is the meat of what was deleted:

I agree with you. I didn't always agree with everything that Bush and Obama did but they never insulted and attacked our allies, the opposition party, or the media. What do we have now? Trump is a liar, a cheat, and probably a traitor....how do you try diplomacy with someone who has such hatred and disdain for others?

Friend issues warning after deleting my comment that he didn't want to have to NAME names but he WOULD if this continued and he had already had to delete one post, don't make him delete the whole thread....but you know in typical grandpa words interspersed with RANDOM CAPS. He ended his grampy rant with "Please get a good dose of God's Word and back off the National news!"

Again, I posted something respectful, but I did counter his telling me to get myself some Jesus with condescension that hinted he might want to start worrying a bit more about current events. I really hoped.....

 

I'm just a girl, posting on Facebook, asking a question......with respect and good intentions.