She Is Still Here

Since COVID19 came to town there have been several changes in my massage clinic. Of course masks are required, but it's the other little things that I have in place that sometimes gets overlooked, forgotten, or some are just unaware...sometimes it is the fault of the therapist.

My long time client was here for his weekly massage and he casually asked me why I had a large tub in my treatment room and was I offering new services.

Me: Um, you mean the BIG TURQUOISE TUB that has been in my floor since May? The one clients are SUPPOSED to put their clothes and belongings in? THAT tub? (laughing the whole time)

 Client: WHAT? I don't remember you telling me that. I SWEAR!  Why didn't you say anything? 

(Both laughing now)

Me: Well I figured you were like 99 percent of the folks that come in here. You either didn't listen to my directions or you are so used to coming in here and throwing your stuff in the chair that you are on autopilot. I just spray and wipe the chair and TUB down before each client.

FAST FORWARD ONE WEEK

I enter the treatment room and he has put his clothes in the BIG TURQUOISE TUB. 

Me:  OH MY GOD YOU USED THE TUB!

Client: Yes, I did and now I have some thoughts. This tub will not hold winter clothes. You need a bigger BIG TUB.

Always More Than One Way to Look at Something

Recently my mom stayed with me for a couple of weeks and during her time with me she was finalizing a real estate purchase and getting her home listed for sale.  The day that she listed her home, she received a less than full price offer. The offer was not great, but it wasn't horrible either and so my mom and her realtor friend attempted face-time calls to go over details. Let's just say that technology and two folks over 70 was not smooth sailing. After each of three phone calls it was clear that there was stress enough for days. So I decided to intervene with some unsolicited advice...since she was my mom and she was stuck with me.

Me:  Mom, would you like me to tell you how I would handle this? I'm not saying what you are doing is wrong, but I'm all about no stress and it sure seems like you were both stressed on those phone calls.

Mom: Oh my God, YES!

Me: So how many more of those kinds of phone calls do you want to take?

Mom: (laughing) I see your point.

Me: You were expecting a lot less than what you listed the place for and it was within three thousand dollars.....been me I would have accepted it and been done. Zero stress. Again, I'm not saying what you are doing is wrong, I just wanted you to see it in a different way because there's always more than one way to look at something.

So transition that to the pandemic. I support that our governor closed down the state and while many people I know have been significantly impacted financially, myself included, I still think it was the right decision. I also think it was because of the severity our statewide shutdown, that Kentucky is one of two states that has actually met the criteria to open back up reasonably safely. Was this plan executed perfectly? No. Did it suck? Yes.....or at least sometimes.

And what I mean by sometimes is....

Outside my maternity leave, this is the longest I have ever been off work. After getting over the initial shock and  fear of losing my business and going bankrupt or possibly contracting a killer virus, I began to really enjoy my time in quarantine. Did I still have moments of freaking out and wondering if my career was done, would the unemployment check come, would I die alone? Yes.  But I also knocked off some items on my To Do List. I spent quality time with my family. I've had some terrific bird-watching opportunities. I caught a squirrel. I have baked, cooked, grilled and feasted like a queen. My blood pressure was 112/60 at my annual exam. I've binged on some awesome shows. I've read some good books. Re-watched and shared some of my favorite movies with my mom. I have enjoyed not wearing a bra. I've enjoyed living in my pajamas and sometimes only bathing every other day. I have embraced my inner dude and I liked it man.

But.....

I miss going to Texas Roadhouse every Friday night and sitting at the bar, having a steak dinner with my buddy. I miss being Norm and Cliff. I miss shopping at stores that are not Walmart, Meijer or Target.  I miss playing corn-hole. I miss hiking and playing trivia and dinner in sit-down restaurants. I miss big family dinners and cookouts. I miss my clients and our conversations. I miss my hairdresser, massage therapist/cosmetologist and manicures.

But....

I know the sacrifices I have made was for the greater good. I am wearing a mask for the same reason. Does the mask feel like it suffocates me and overheats me? Sometimes, but this is the new norm. So rather than hating on the mask I have decided to love it. I feel like a proper ninja some days and other days I fancy myself a Viking or pirate....because there's always more than one way to look at things.

Quarantine Diary 2

Last night my ex and I were chatting about the craziness in the world and he tells me about this online test he's taken that determines how likely you are to survive an apocalypse. Good news! According to a very scientific online test, consisting of 500 questions, he was determined to have a 90% survival rate. So after I let him know how underwhelmed I was, we had a chat about how well we thought most Americans would handle this pandemic.

Me: You keep saying "Men will" do this and that, why not women?

Ex:  Are you saying that you think men will be stupid and die and women would be more cautious and live?

Me: Do you think mostly men will survive though? I mean by strength, and you guys are seen more as the hunters and protectors. I mean I can admit we are the weaker sex as a whole and I think a lot of women are ill equipped to handle stressful situations, but some of us are pretty dang resourceful.

Ex: I think more men will survive but there will be a need for women, and women with strengths will always find a place with a man.  Like you were trained as an emergency medic and you're smart.

Me: So I would be an asset.

Ex: Heavy on the ass...

Me:  Well, I'm not squeamish. I have brains and I don't rush into things without thinking, so I think I'm good. Well, the fact that I have a magnificent rack and I am not above using em to get what I want....I think I am pretty well covered. You've said so yourself. Magnificent.

Ex:  So you think that will save you? A magnificent rack?

Me:  Bet that is a more accurate gauge than say, oh......... an online test. 

Quarantine Diary

Since September was the date of my last blog entry, I figured this is as good a time as any to see just how bored some of y'all really are.

I have been preparing for this moment, not in a rabid doomsday planner way, but in a social distancing way....and a bit of planning for the "what ifs" way. And unlike a LOT of US politicians, I have been preparing for a possible quarantine for two months now. Nooooo I haven't been hoarding. I have planned ahead for myself and for those I am responsible for keeping safe, Oni and Brutus.

I have enough animal food on-hand for two months. I always buy detergent, hand sanitizer, oils, cleaning supplies (which include Clorox wipes) in bulk. I always buy toilet paper and paper towels in bulk. So I had all this on-hand. After a quick survey of my cupboards I dashed off and bought some meat and cheese for the freezer and some fruit for my immune system. Grabbed my pharmacy needs and I am set until late April. So not a nut about this, just practical.

Stress levels and tensions are high, so I thought a funny story might be a welcome break. Recent events with the toilet paper crisis reminded me of this. It happened in 1986 when I was moving from our rental into our first home. My maternal grandfather, Papaw, was helping me move stuff one afternoon when this went down.

After I had already tightly packed two large boxes with ONLY toilet paper and was rapidly filling up the third box, Papaw said "Kimber, you think you have enough toilet paper there?".

"Well, every time it goes for less than a $1 for a 4-pack, I can't pass up that deal."

"Well" he says, "if nuclear holocaust ever hits, you'll have the cleanest tail hole in town."

I hope Papaw is smiling.

Tale of Two Exes

This weekend brought not one, but two of my ex-husbands into my orbit. The most recent ex is in town for a week and had offered to help me with some chores around the house in exchange for my old cell phone. The first ex and I were together for our granddaughter's first birthday party. So in preparation for this weekend I asked my buddy to bump my hair appointment up a week earlier... because vanity was not going to let me show up with gray roots. I was already scheduled for a facial this week so I was in good shape going in.

First ex walked into party, greeted me and told me my hair looked nice. Score! Later in the day when we were having dinner he told his daughter that the broccoli casserole was good, but it was not as good as the broccoli casserole that his mother made and then he pointed to me and added "or as good as she made." Considering that I used his mother's recipe....I still count that as a win.

Second ex and I had pleasant dinner and I paid him the last installment on our divorce settlement. A huge weight is lifted off my shoulders now. And while I would say that our visit has been pleasant overall, there have definitely been some bumps.....like today.  We were weeding out a section of the side and backyard and we were discussing society. He has always played the "white man is penalized" card, so naturally right after I commented that he was lucky that he was a white man, this went down:

Ex: (extreme sarcasm) Oh yeah?  People act like the white man is responsible for destroying everything.

Me: Well, aren't you? How many women do you know of that are running around the country doing mass shootings? People of color? It's young..white..men...with anger issues.

We gardened in silence for quite some time. Beautiful day.

Heard This Week on the Massage Table

Last week a client that been coming to my business, for couples massage for many wedding anniversaries, called to see if I still offered this service. I explained that I wasn't set up for this any longer and I told her try a massage chain(that shall remain unnamed). She thanked me and we hung up. Some time passed and she called to ask if I would be able to work on her and her spouse back to back. Scheduled. Boom.

The evening of the massage came and when it was the husband's turn, he told me the story of how the couples massage that really wasn't a couples massage came to be. He said his wife had called and booked the couples massage at the place I recommended and when she told him, he had instructed her to call and cancel the other appointment if I was free. I was and they came to see me. He told me that he explained to her that whenever he went somewhere else for massage, he always left feeling like he had just wasted his money and he regretted not waiting for my next opening. So they opted to go back to back and get a better massage.

 I can't tell you how honored I feel.









A friend and I went to a Mexican joint and I was describing the comedy to one of my regular clients. There was an item on the menu that I was not familiar with "Barbacoda" was how it was listed on the menu, so I asked the waitress what "barbacoda" was. The waitress(who was not Mexican) was quick to correct my pronunciation with "It's supposed to be barba CO UH" and then she just stopped talking. I looked at my friend and we blinked and smiled. Friend says "Well now that you've told us how to pronounce it, can you tell us what it IS?" Waitress does and leaves to place our order and we howl about it she was quick to correct me but slow on the description.

Client says "Sounds like she had a big ole tortilla chip on her shoulder!"

We both laughed hysterically.

Integrity

Yeah, it's been a while....so ya better buckle in.


I have a code. The Code of Kim, we'll call it.

No matter what I do, I will strive to do it to the best of my abilities. I will shoot for being the best and sometimes I might actually achieve it. On the times that I fail I will know I gave it my best effort.

Simple enough. I can add to this along the way. Try to be polite 99% of the time. Know when to keep my thoughts to myself to keep peace. Know sometimes you have to speak up for yourself and others. Look for a positive, even in a negative situation. You get the idea. TRY TO BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING. There. I said it.

Why does it seem next to impossible to find other like-minded folks, decent human beings who strive to do the right thing? Better still why is it so easy for some people to NOT do the right thing? This is what I have been pondering the last few weeks whilst Kimsplaining with a mechanic, a landscaper, a cashier.....hell, it felt like half of Lexington. I asked myself if these folks were dim, lazy, miserable and depressed, having an off day, greed driven, or what caused them to offer me such shitty service. The best explanation I could come up with is that there is a noticeable decline in integrity.

Integrity noun

The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness

The state of being whole an undivided

Internal consistency or lack of corruption

Most of the time I can shed bad manners and mediocre service, but not so much lately. I have done lots of work to find a peaceful Kim and I protect her. I would never presume to expect every person I come in contact with to have the same code as I, but I do expect them to do the job they promised, or at least DO their job with a modicum of integrity. But NOOOOOOOOO. So here is what I internalized rather than causing a scene:

Yo,Walmartian! I came thru your lane instead of using the self checkout lane because I care that the Waltons are getting rid of your job and paying you lousy wages. It would be great if next time you don't throw in two bags of hard candy on top of my bread and the other bread was probably not a good choice to go in a bag with the gallon of lemon ammonia. Is it too much to ask that you at least know the bread should be in the same bag....and not with items that flatten them out? And at least say THANK YOU after you destroy my groceries, huh?!".   Stupid, lazy or both?

I had a mini text argument with my landscaper over his associate fertilizing my yard, during a drought, and frying my already dry lawn. After an exchange when I had told him that my son had agreed with me that the fertilizer was the reason for my dead grass, he texted "Not being combative but I need to ask does you son treat lawns and is he trained with a license?".  Okay, so I didn't keep my thoughts to myself with this guy. "He is. You want to measure appendages with my son vs you in landscaping?"  Condescension and lack of integrity will get you fired...jury is still out at the moment.

Mr. Mechanic! I scheduled an appointment for Thursday, your first opening. When I called on Friday and you said you hadn't even pulled my car in the garage, that was bad business. When you called me on Friday to say the part you needed would not be in until Monday, I understood. When Tuesday rolled around and this was the third day you had an excuse and subsequently cost me $300 in business that I could not travel to, you should have offered apologies and discounts. When I told you why I was upset, you really shouldn't have told me that my yelling was not helping anything. Okay, so I told him off too.... "Let's put the shoe on the other foot. If I held your car hostage for five days and cost you $300, how do you think you might be talking to me right now? Think you might be just a bit upset, angry, feel like you were lied to.... How about if maybe you had told me that you were two technicians down when I called to book the appointment, I could have went elsewhere, but since you chose to keep that to yourself, it makes you look like you lied and that's bad business."

To me, every one of these incidents are results of their lack of integrity. Every day chores, job duties, relationships, they are all worthy tasks and I wish more of us could perform with integrity. Because I have integrity, I had to fire a client this week. I like this person very much, but they did not respect my boundaries. The simple boundaries:

1.  It should be obvious that my day off is a day OFF and NO, I do not want to massage you on my       day off.

2.  I earn my living by doing massage. I do not work for free....or a $5 lunch.

3.  I have 13 yrs experience. Don't tell me how to do my job. 

I did not come to this decision lightly. I even considered telling them if we continued working together that we would need to have some rules in place. But then I thought they would be worrying about the rules while they were on the massage table and that they would get a crappy massage, so I decided it was best to just end our massage relationship. I was not comfortable doing this, but sometimes doing the right thing, with integrity isn't easy....