She Is Still Here

Since COVID19 came to town there have been several changes in my massage clinic. Of course masks are required, but it's the other little things that I have in place that sometimes gets overlooked, forgotten, or some are just unaware...sometimes it is the fault of the therapist.

My long time client was here for his weekly massage and he casually asked me why I had a large tub in my treatment room and was I offering new services.

Me: Um, you mean the BIG TURQUOISE TUB that has been in my floor since May? The one clients are SUPPOSED to put their clothes and belongings in? THAT tub? (laughing the whole time)

 Client: WHAT? I don't remember you telling me that. I SWEAR!  Why didn't you say anything? 

(Both laughing now)

Me: Well I figured you were like 99 percent of the folks that come in here. You either didn't listen to my directions or you are so used to coming in here and throwing your stuff in the chair that you are on autopilot. I just spray and wipe the chair and TUB down before each client.

FAST FORWARD ONE WEEK

I enter the treatment room and he has put his clothes in the BIG TURQUOISE TUB. 

Me:  OH MY GOD YOU USED THE TUB!

Client: Yes, I did and now I have some thoughts. This tub will not hold winter clothes. You need a bigger BIG TUB.

Always More Than One Way to Look at Something

Recently my mom stayed with me for a couple of weeks and during her time with me she was finalizing a real estate purchase and getting her home listed for sale.  The day that she listed her home, she received a less than full price offer. The offer was not great, but it wasn't horrible either and so my mom and her realtor friend attempted face-time calls to go over details. Let's just say that technology and two folks over 70 was not smooth sailing. After each of three phone calls it was clear that there was stress enough for days. So I decided to intervene with some unsolicited advice...since she was my mom and she was stuck with me.

Me:  Mom, would you like me to tell you how I would handle this? I'm not saying what you are doing is wrong, but I'm all about no stress and it sure seems like you were both stressed on those phone calls.

Mom: Oh my God, YES!

Me: So how many more of those kinds of phone calls do you want to take?

Mom: (laughing) I see your point.

Me: You were expecting a lot less than what you listed the place for and it was within three thousand dollars.....been me I would have accepted it and been done. Zero stress. Again, I'm not saying what you are doing is wrong, I just wanted you to see it in a different way because there's always more than one way to look at something.

So transition that to the pandemic. I support that our governor closed down the state and while many people I know have been significantly impacted financially, myself included, I still think it was the right decision. I also think it was because of the severity our statewide shutdown, that Kentucky is one of two states that has actually met the criteria to open back up reasonably safely. Was this plan executed perfectly? No. Did it suck? Yes.....or at least sometimes.

And what I mean by sometimes is....

Outside my maternity leave, this is the longest I have ever been off work. After getting over the initial shock and  fear of losing my business and going bankrupt or possibly contracting a killer virus, I began to really enjoy my time in quarantine. Did I still have moments of freaking out and wondering if my career was done, would the unemployment check come, would I die alone? Yes.  But I also knocked off some items on my To Do List. I spent quality time with my family. I've had some terrific bird-watching opportunities. I caught a squirrel. I have baked, cooked, grilled and feasted like a queen. My blood pressure was 112/60 at my annual exam. I've binged on some awesome shows. I've read some good books. Re-watched and shared some of my favorite movies with my mom. I have enjoyed not wearing a bra. I've enjoyed living in my pajamas and sometimes only bathing every other day. I have embraced my inner dude and I liked it man.

But.....

I miss going to Texas Roadhouse every Friday night and sitting at the bar, having a steak dinner with my buddy. I miss being Norm and Cliff. I miss shopping at stores that are not Walmart, Meijer or Target.  I miss playing corn-hole. I miss hiking and playing trivia and dinner in sit-down restaurants. I miss big family dinners and cookouts. I miss my clients and our conversations. I miss my hairdresser, massage therapist/cosmetologist and manicures.

But....

I know the sacrifices I have made was for the greater good. I am wearing a mask for the same reason. Does the mask feel like it suffocates me and overheats me? Sometimes, but this is the new norm. So rather than hating on the mask I have decided to love it. I feel like a proper ninja some days and other days I fancy myself a Viking or pirate....because there's always more than one way to look at things.

Quarantine Diary 2

Last night my ex and I were chatting about the craziness in the world and he tells me about this online test he's taken that determines how likely you are to survive an apocalypse. Good news! According to a very scientific online test, consisting of 500 questions, he was determined to have a 90% survival rate. So after I let him know how underwhelmed I was, we had a chat about how well we thought most Americans would handle this pandemic.

Me: You keep saying "Men will" do this and that, why not women?

Ex:  Are you saying that you think men will be stupid and die and women would be more cautious and live?

Me: Do you think mostly men will survive though? I mean by strength, and you guys are seen more as the hunters and protectors. I mean I can admit we are the weaker sex as a whole and I think a lot of women are ill equipped to handle stressful situations, but some of us are pretty dang resourceful.

Ex: I think more men will survive but there will be a need for women, and women with strengths will always find a place with a man.  Like you were trained as an emergency medic and you're smart.

Me: So I would be an asset.

Ex: Heavy on the ass...

Me:  Well, I'm not squeamish. I have brains and I don't rush into things without thinking, so I think I'm good. Well, the fact that I have a magnificent rack and I am not above using em to get what I want....I think I am pretty well covered. You've said so yourself. Magnificent.

Ex:  So you think that will save you? A magnificent rack?

Me:  Bet that is a more accurate gauge than say, oh......... an online test. 

Quarantine Diary

Since September was the date of my last blog entry, I figured this is as good a time as any to see just how bored some of y'all really are.

I have been preparing for this moment, not in a rabid doomsday planner way, but in a social distancing way....and a bit of planning for the "what ifs" way. And unlike a LOT of US politicians, I have been preparing for a possible quarantine for two months now. Nooooo I haven't been hoarding. I have planned ahead for myself and for those I am responsible for keeping safe, Oni and Brutus.

I have enough animal food on-hand for two months. I always buy detergent, hand sanitizer, oils, cleaning supplies (which include Clorox wipes) in bulk. I always buy toilet paper and paper towels in bulk. So I had all this on-hand. After a quick survey of my cupboards I dashed off and bought some meat and cheese for the freezer and some fruit for my immune system. Grabbed my pharmacy needs and I am set until late April. So not a nut about this, just practical.

Stress levels and tensions are high, so I thought a funny story might be a welcome break. Recent events with the toilet paper crisis reminded me of this. It happened in 1986 when I was moving from our rental into our first home. My maternal grandfather, Papaw, was helping me move stuff one afternoon when this went down.

After I had already tightly packed two large boxes with ONLY toilet paper and was rapidly filling up the third box, Papaw said "Kimber, you think you have enough toilet paper there?".

"Well, every time it goes for less than a $1 for a 4-pack, I can't pass up that deal."

"Well" he says, "if nuclear holocaust ever hits, you'll have the cleanest tail hole in town."

I hope Papaw is smiling.