Heard This Week on the Massage Table

about that tattoo:
Me:  I know what I want, I just don't really know where I want to put it. Part of me likes the tramp stamp and the other thinks my ankle/foot area.
Client:  (laughing) You can't do the tramp stamp and since you called it that, it probably means you really don't want it there.
Me:  (laughing) Should I call it asshat?
Client:   And you know things move later in life....  My friend who was beautiful and firm in her 20s got an eagle tattoo, hip to hip, and I told her that was going to come back a vulture later!

soulmates:
Client:  I love my (husband) and I would never want anything to happen to him, but if something changed and I lost him, I am sure there are 9 or 10 other men out there who would work just fine.
Me: Yes!  I agree!

therapy x2:
Client:  This is like talk therapy for me too. I don't get to talk to many women like this and it really helps me.
Me: Yes. It works two ways.

My Very Most Favorite Superhero Crush

.....is so hard to define. Yes, this was a conversation I had this week and although there was a lot of chuckling, this was a very interesting conversation.  Partly because it's not the kind of chat you get to be part of on a regular basis...unless you are a super nerdy geek. ( No offence intended. I am a proud nerdy geek myself.) And partly because it makes you evaluate your reasons for loving certain characters and storylines above others.

So I am just going to go ahead and put this out there. I watch the supes for the escapism and the good triumphing over evil (most of the time), but to be totally sexist, I watch for the eye candy and the witty dialogue. Sure, a good story helps but to be perfectly honest, it's watching some of the most perfect objects of my desire personified. Looks, brains, protectors, complexities....that is like catnip for me. Purrrrrrr. I don't think I am the only one who feels this way, amirite? Well, I can own that one and I will share my list of MOVIE hero crushes over the years.

1. Han Solo. He really isn't a supe but he is a larger than life hero and he was my first crush.  My friends left oooing and ahhing over Luke and I was all about the scoundrel. He was flawed but he. had. swagger. Han was awkward and not exactly law-abiding, but he tried to do the right thing... when it really counted. True story: I cried when they froze him in carbonite. I dropped a WTF when Disney decided to kill him and I was mad for awhi--I am still pissed. My oldest son's middle name is Harrison.
2. Ironman. Although I never read the comics, I have loved this character in the Marvel Universe on screen. (Side note:  I am more Marvel than DC fan) It could quite possibly be because I like Robert Downey Jr and Tony seems to be a lot like how I think Robert lives in real life, of course without the suit and megabillions. Also a flawed character who seeks redemption by helping others. Brains, rich, sarcastic, sexy with a cocky arrogance.
3. Star-Lord. Guardians of the Galaxy. Sensing a theme yet? I like the bad boys with hearts of gold. Peter Quill is half human and half alien, but he looks like a very well-crafted MAN to me. He is smart, cocky, has great taste in music, the man can dance, flawed in many ways but as hard as he tries not to, he keeps coming out a good guy.
4. Thor. Well he is definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed, but what he lacks in brains, he makes up for with brawn, determination, and a magic hammer. Thor abstained from the Avengers battle, which means Thor doesn't choose sides when his friends disagree. No drama.
5. Captain America. I was not really a fan of the comics, but I didn't necessarily dislike him either. Then came Chris Evans. He took the lackluster Cap and made him the all-American sweetheart that you had to appreciate. Cap is street-smart, wholesome, a badass fighter, brave and loyal. He is a bit too goody two-shoes for me, but still a fan.
6. Mal Reynolds. Firefly/Serenity. Captain Mal is not a supe, but he is the real space cowboy. He reminds me a lot of Han Solo so how could I not love him?  Mal lives on the outskirts of the law and he has more flaws than CVS has pills, but he is a wholly likeable, cunning, warrior who does his best work under pressure. Swagger, crafty, not super handsome--but still sexy, has a mean streak, not the most eloquant speaker, but can throw Chinese swear words with the best of em. Big Damn Hero.
7. Batman. Christian Bale, and I know I will be torched for saying it, Ben Affleck. Before these guys I was not impressed with the Dark Knight. Loved the comics but the movies never did it for me until Christian. Ben is my perfect look for a man...tall, dark, handsome. Batman is a regular man, who overcomes losing his parents and uses his tragedy to devote himself to protecting innocents. Tall, dark, handsome, rich, intelligent, brooding darkness, complex layers.

 For clarity, I never really cared about Superman and once a friend told me this story, he was toast.
He told me that during the opening credits of the TV show to notice how Superman stood still and let the bullets bounce off his chest...and then watch him duck when the bad guy throws the gun at him. BWAHAHAHAHA.  I like the Spiderman movies too, but unlike Roy Moore, I prefer my fellas out of high school..... Hulk gets honorable mentions but no crush. Wonder Woman is the WO-MAN too, but no crush--I wanted to BE her!

Who is your crush?

Sometimes You're The Windshield

And sometimes you're the bug. This day has been spectacularly shitastic with a few moments of amazing thrown in to help me keep my sanity.  Psst. If you are not a fan of full on rants, this might be the point you quit reading.

VERY early this morning I was rudely awakened by Oni biting my wrist.  Not the I am being playful kind of bite, nor the I am being a kitty bitch kind of bite either. Just enough to wake me up and make me yell OUCH kind of bite. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Brutus kept pawing at me and I assumed he wanted under the covers like he habitually does when he is cold.  Oni pounced on the bed and ran down the length of my body...from my shoulder to my feet. I swore profusely and got out of bed, mad at my fur babies for being bratty, stumbling across my bedroom floor.....to find my basement had flooded sometime after I went to sleep last night. Not terrible, mind you, but there was standing water a few feet into my basement. Apparently the animals were trying to wake me up to address this issue. My furry babies are no dummies. You know?  That water was getting close to their food and nobody likes baths around here.

So my morning began with sweeping water out the back door. Toweling up the rest of the water. Washing the towels. Turning on the year-old dehumidifier.... And nothing happens. Fan blew for a minute and then nada.  I am not a great fixer of things, but I pulled stuff apart, changed outlets, restarted it....rinse, repeat. I swore some more. Looked at the clock and decided my 10:00 hair appointment was more important-- roots! Mental note to buy a dehumidifier after my hair appointment. Made it easy to say "screw washing my hair" though.  So. I. Threw. Down. More. Fresh. Towels. (SITDMFT) and after a bit more water sweeping I got myself together for my hair appointment. After catching a glance of myself in the mirror, I changed shirts. I told my hairdresser friend that my nipples would have arrived five minutes before the rest of me in that other shirt.

I got to the salon and my friend gifted me this fabulous ring and a brush cleanser! I had made the turn to being the windshield for an hour out of what looks like a very long bug kind of day. Gifts, great chat, awesome hair.  Windshield.

Off to Lowe's for a dehumidifier. Strained my back getting the sucker loaded on to my cart. I swore some more, but I would be damned if I was going to ask for help. Yes, I really went back to bug status in a hurry. $200 spent and a sore back later, I arrived back at the flood zone. I packed that dehumidifier into my house and down those stairs with a vengeance. Lots more water. So I swept water. SITDMFT.....So I Threw Down More Fucking Towels--the towels that I just pulled out of the dryer from earlier today. I let loose with a very loud guttural animal noise AAAAAAHHHHHuuuhhh
But the water kept on coming anyway. So much bug.

Waiting is not an ideal situation for me. I rarely wait for that moment, if I can go ahead and get what needs being done, done now without any stress. So I sweep water. I swear. SITDMFT (So I throw down mutha f''n towels). I wait and anticipate when I will need to repeat this set.  I decided to make this an exercise for me learning to really wait and not fret.  I have the NEW dehumidifier going full time at warp speed. I turned on the heat to help with drying. I blow a fan on the area where the water is seeping into to minimize the flow. SITDMFT (Shit I'm Tired Doing More F'n Towels). I order pizza so I can hang around but not hover. I have some coffee. I blog and I smile. Windshield incoming? Or more bug splattering on the windshield? Tune in tomorrow!

Deeper Glimpse

Brutus Got a New Doggy Bed.....

.....and Oni promptly laid claim to it. Diva demon.

Dating Myself This Valentines Day

......and it has worked out remaaaarkably well this year.  I might even argue that this has turned out to be one of the best all time Valentines Days EV-ER.  Maybe the universe and I are in sync, or karma might be repaying me three-fold, or maybe it was just fantastic luck, but for some reason,  today has been much better than just okay....which is what I set the bar for today--OK. Today is my first official SINGLE VD so I knew I would feel something different today. While I am content and mostly happy in my single life, a heart pang will get me every once in a while. So I thought if today could just be okay, no depression, no loneliness, nothing amazing, just OK, it would be a win. Well, let me share with you?

My day started with a massage trade with a sweet friend....who I will love seeing again tomorrow for MT! She was shopping and picked me up some fabulous skincare items that I get to use tonight! She also gifted me with an awesome bag of books and magical goodness. Wow. Pretty great start.

When I got home from my out call, my neighbor had returned my casserole dish with a thank you note and a bag of treats for my fur babies. Oni and Bru were getting in on the action too.

My client came in with this lovely cream-filled, chocolate cupcake of decadent deliciousness and a VD card with a $20 tip inside. Wow. Nice. But then she handed me my Christmas card that she had forgotten to bring me. When I opened it I found the $50. WOW. Amazing and unexpected!

So now I am kicked back in my pjs, gas logs going, I have hot chocolate with marshmallow fluff for later, a Reese's heart, candlelight and roses. I bought the flowers yesterday....since I am dating myself, I knew I wanted pink roses. Happy Valentines Day y'all!

You Hang Tobacco?

Over the last six weeks I have been working with a terrific older southern gentleman who is battling dementia. As you might imagine there are many physical considerations that go into formulating his treatment plan--arthritis, cancer, and Alzheimer's are just a few of the conditions that I am helping him with. I travel to his home every two weeks.

On my first visit I was met with resistance. In fact I got a solid "NO" when I approached Doc(not his real name) about getting his massage. He smiled at me but he was quite sure that he did not want to get massaged. I did not pressure him. His daughter tried to help persuade him and was equally unsuccessful. It took his lovely wife, of 59 years, all of 10 seconds to change his mind.

Doc was on the massage table for 60 minutes and he probably asked me if I had put up tobacco at least 10 times. By the end of his session, I knew that earlier in his life, he had about 2000 acres of farmland and that he was distressed that this land had been developed into a shopping center. I also suspected that his asking about tobacco was a conversation starter that he had used over the years. His family confirmed this for me.

The second visit was basically the same, but with less resistance. I suggested that we leave his sweatpants on and only expose his back. This seemed to calm him a bit.  Doc asked me "Did you hang tobacco?" many times and after I began answering with an enthusiastic "YES", Doc would say "Okey Dokey".  This was our exchange for the hour. I knew I was helping Doc but I also knew that I could do better for him. I began researching essential oils and massage techniques to improve his session.

Last week when I arrived Doc met me at the door and "helped" me assemble my stool. He was not resistant at all when we discussed his massage. I came better prepared. I had coconut oil with frankincense and lavender cut into it. I focused most of his 60 minutes on his back, neck and scalp. Five minutes into his massage Doc said "That's nice."  Doc commented twice more on how nice his massage was feeling during our session.  He asked me about putting up tobacco several times and after I told him I had hung it--top rail too--he would exclaim "Well good for you!".  I was making Doc feel better and oddly enough he was making me feel pretty darn good about the tobacco I was (not really) raising.

*This* is the reason I do what I do. Touch and compassion heal.

Just Sayin’....

...that Facebook is a place where people post versions of ourselves that we have come to terms with, accepted, are okay sharing with others, mostly honest personality. But I think Pinterest reveals more about the version of ourselves that we secretly desire to be.

Now, it turns out there are a LOT of us who want to build furniture with pallets, make their own spa treatments from things in their fridge, and plan pretend weddings....

But in all seriousness. Pinterest speaks from our happy, curious, secret heart place.

You Might Be Better Off Single

....if either of these images speak to you. For the record, they are both real and they both end badly.

The cobra bit the python and the python constricted, both died....there has to be a metaphor in this.

Critter Bios

Dexter Lee.   (many Christmases ago when he still wanted to be an indoor cat)

I often say that Dexter is my special needs kitty. He is 19 years old and he is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he has somehow managed to stay alive longer than any other animal I have ever spent time with. He still fights regularly with other outside cats and has at least one gaping wound on his body, on an almost daily basis. He still only eats Purina Indoor Cat Formula..no treats..no rodents..he ONLY eats this food..PERIOD. He still hasn't figured out that the pet door swings out and IN.  He loves, and I mean loves, catnip. 

I first met Dexter at PetSmart when he was up for adoption. After walking by countless cages and seeing all those poor depressed cats, curled up in balls, sometimes in their litter boxes, I found white paws sticking out of a cage, trying to swat things as they went by his door. Dexter and I started playing. He was oblivious to his predicament. He had joy. I almost adopted him that day, but I rarely make snap decisions, so I left him to really think about the pros and cons of adopting a cat. I told my myself if somebody else adopted him, then we weren't meant to be. That night I dreamed about Dexter coming to live with me. I adopted him the next morning. I named him after Dexter Morgan and Bruce Lee. He has lived up to his name. Social misfit fighter. I am also pretty sure Dexter voted for Donald Trump.

Brutus Maximus
Brutus is a 9 year old, some kind of shih-tzu mixed with another really cute dog of some sort.  He is very smart, friendly and cuddly. But because he is very smart, he can exhibit Days of  Muchness. He tests his boundaries and he desperately wants to be dominant/alpha to someone, but these days rarely occur. Brutus knows he rocks the cute, sweet and cuddly swagger  and he knows how to work an audience to his benefit.... Bru has never met a lap he didn't like.

I met Brutus at PetSmart too. I had been looking online for a dog that might be a good fit as a therapy dog for my massage clinic. I was leaning toward a bigger dog but nothing was definite.  Then one  afternoon my mom and I walked over to "see what kind of babies were up for adoption"....and my mom found Brutus.  Mom picked him up and said "This is the one." Brutus came home with me and it was the best decision my mother ever made for me! Kidding. Mostly. I don't think I need to explain his name. Strength and honor.

Oni Littlepuss

Oni is a 3 year old magical mini panther from unknown origins. She is a lethal little huntress and very vocal young lady. It is difficult to tell from photos, but Oni is quite small, in fact, most people assume she is a mature kitten when they first see her. I tell people that Oni is an answer to one of  my wishes.

In June of 2013, I began looking online at small, female black cats available for adoption. In October Oni arrived. Oni showed up during a thunderstorm and cried outside my bedroom window all night.  The next morning when Brutus went out to potty, she came walking over, extended her paw for introductions and she never left. Oni is Japanese for demon and I tagged her with Littlepuss in my desire for her to remain a tiny cat...she grew into her name.

Calling BS

I read this today:

Each of us enters this lifetime through the miracle of birth--conceived by humans, pushed into the world through the body of our mother. It's said that we choose our families; that we choose our parents, siblings, cultures, even the time and place we are born into, because our souls have determined that this is where we will learn fastest on our journey of soul growth. 


First off, thanks for the biology lesson, I really had no idea that my mother was a human! Can we just stop and appreciate what a weird sentence that is? But despite the weird sentence structure, this part is true. But I am calling BS on choosing our families! I promise you that most of us would definitely NOT pick some of the assholes we are related to in this life, let alone again...and again...

Just Another

....lazy day. You know the kind when you wear pjs all day. You play with your animals. You place second in Fishdom, among many thousands of nerds like yourself, you are a gaming goddess. Then your new massage sheets arrive and you get lost in some self-reflection. (Yes, that does sound a bit odd, but I will explain in a bit.) In grander terms, I reclaimed my free time and I revel in it now.

Now? Indeed.

 For most of my life I have been a raging control freak. I still have my OCD quirks, like how I decorate, grouping things in clumps of threes. I must make my bed before I get in it to sleep...
and line up the comforter with the mattress edges. But that's another discussion....maybe with a talk therapist. haha   I was always on the go, directing activities, working, carpool, sports events, household chores, etc.  I stressed over finances, but I insisted on overseeing them.

....In any case, my eventual point is that I had a hard time finding any ME time. (forever known as MT from this day forth) ....Especially when I worked full-time and had two small boys who also needed me. I was  pretty much leaving a full-time job and going home to my other full-time demands. MT was after the kids went to bed. Even when I did miraculously scrape together some MT,  I  had a hard time letting go of supervising everyone and every thing in my world. Lazy was just not an option on a regular basis. Lazy happened on Day 5 of your 7 Day vacation....if you were lucky.

Over time I began to demand small amounts of MT. I would flex my work hours so I could work on my tan during office hours, and go into the office in the evenings. This allowed me to not cook supper, not see nasty co-workers, and gave me a small amount of time when I was all alone and nourishing myself. Mani. Pedi. Massage. These all came on-board.  MT was in my life again.

I had not yet achieved lazy, but relaxing was part of my life. Then came the well-meaning folks who tried to shame me for being....lazy. Well, that is just plain selfish. And nobody ever did that before! And your point?  MT is being selfish. It is putting your own needs first for a change. It means I am replenishing myself and this is normal and healthy. Massage school reinforced my beliefs. I began to truly value my MT and I started reclaiming it on a regular basis.

So about those sheets.... I have always used flannel sheets in my private practice. The warm, cozy feeling is comforting.  Since I have dubbed 2018 the Year of Possibilities, I am experimenting with some new things in my life as well as my clinic.  So....my new microfiber sheets arrived today.  Besides being a lovely grey color, they are supposed to be highly durable and the real selling point: "You can wash up to three times as many sheets than traditional cotton or flannel and they dry quickly." This means instead of 4 loads of sheets, I can do 2. Less laundry means I get more MT.


 I know that doesn't exactly parlay into LAZY, but small steps will eventually get you to the same place.....if you let it.