Quarantine Diary 2

Last night my ex and I were chatting about the craziness in the world and he tells me about this online test he's taken that determines how likely you are to survive an apocalypse. Good news! According to a very scientific online test, consisting of 500 questions, he was determined to have a 90% survival rate. So after I let him know how underwhelmed I was, we had a chat about how well we thought most Americans would handle this pandemic.

Me: You keep saying "Men will" do this and that, why not women?

Ex:  Are you saying that you think men will be stupid and die and women would be more cautious and live?

Me: Do you think mostly men will survive though? I mean by strength, and you guys are seen more as the hunters and protectors. I mean I can admit we are the weaker sex as a whole and I think a lot of women are ill equipped to handle stressful situations, but some of us are pretty dang resourceful.

Ex: I think more men will survive but there will be a need for women, and women with strengths will always find a place with a man.  Like you were trained as an emergency medic and you're smart.

Me: So I would be an asset.

Ex: Heavy on the ass...

Me:  Well, I'm not squeamish. I have brains and I don't rush into things without thinking, so I think I'm good. Well, the fact that I have a magnificent rack and I am not above using em to get what I want....I think I am pretty well covered. You've said so yourself. Magnificent.

Ex:  So you think that will save you? A magnificent rack?

Me:  Bet that is a more accurate gauge than say, oh......... an online test. 

Quarantine Diary

Since September was the date of my last blog entry, I figured this is as good a time as any to see just how bored some of y'all really are.

I have been preparing for this moment, not in a rabid doomsday planner way, but in a social distancing way....and a bit of planning for the "what ifs" way. And unlike a LOT of US politicians, I have been preparing for a possible quarantine for two months now. Nooooo I haven't been hoarding. I have planned ahead for myself and for those I am responsible for keeping safe, Oni and Brutus.

I have enough animal food on-hand for two months. I always buy detergent, hand sanitizer, oils, cleaning supplies (which include Clorox wipes) in bulk. I always buy toilet paper and paper towels in bulk. So I had all this on-hand. After a quick survey of my cupboards I dashed off and bought some meat and cheese for the freezer and some fruit for my immune system. Grabbed my pharmacy needs and I am set until late April. So not a nut about this, just practical.

Stress levels and tensions are high, so I thought a funny story might be a welcome break. Recent events with the toilet paper crisis reminded me of this. It happened in 1986 when I was moving from our rental into our first home. My maternal grandfather, Papaw, was helping me move stuff one afternoon when this went down.

After I had already tightly packed two large boxes with ONLY toilet paper and was rapidly filling up the third box, Papaw said "Kimber, you think you have enough toilet paper there?".

"Well, every time it goes for less than a $1 for a 4-pack, I can't pass up that deal."

"Well" he says, "if nuclear holocaust ever hits, you'll have the cleanest tail hole in town."

I hope Papaw is smiling.