Boundaries

Have you ever read one of your old journal entries or had a Facebook timeline post pop up and you think "HOLY COW I WAS IN A DARK PLACE WHEN I WROTE THIS!"?   This was what prompted me to write about boundaries.

Boundary:  something that indicates the farthest limit, as of an area; border, line that separates one thing from another

Have you ever felt like someone was taking advantage of you? Maybe you have helped someone countless times and they do not reciprocate. Maybe a friend or family member consistently shows up late or no-shows for plans with you. Maybe they talk down to you or smother you in negativity.  All of these potentially ugly scenarios could be okay experiences with boundaries in place. But how does one set boundaries?

Like the physical boundary, you should know the farthest limit of your goodwill.  Through lots of hard life lessons and heartache I finally found peace when I accepted the fact that helping someone is good for my soul, that some efforts are not reciprocal, and sometimes folks are not appreciative of your good deeds. So when I help someone I try to have no expectations, therefore I am rarely disappointed.  No more hurt feelings. No resentment. Just me feeling good about being a decent human being.

Respect your time. Asserting that your time matters can really piss people off --DO IT ANYWAY.
When someone starts draining me with all their negativity I make it a point to limit my time with them.  If someone consistently late cancels massage appointments I don't re-book them... for months.  Know how much alone time you need to be your best person and make sure you get some ME TIME. It is okay to stay in and decline invitations. It is okay to say NO. If time is money, value that currency and spend it wisely.

Know when to leave.  This was the toughest part of setting my boundaries, because it hurts to leave people who are in pain. I am a healer and this went against my desire to help/fix pain and suffering. But I realized that I could not heal effectively if I was not in a good place mentally and physically, so I made some tough choices.  I have become quite masterful at avoiding undesirable situations.  If you attempt to drag me into your self-made ridiculous drama I will leave tire marks when I peel out and leave you to deal with your own mess. Snide remarks and hateful comments will also send me out the door in a hurry. I still love these folks but I will not be part of stress and bitterness a moment longer than is absolutely necessary. I miss them. I hope good things for them. I also respect my boundaries.