Soothing the Beast

.....is a necessary function for me.  I need quiet. I need peace. I need alone time...not always but certainly some. I need human contact...not always but certainly some. 😁  My needs are met most days and I have very little drama or anger... most days. But my peaceful life did not just happen overnight.  In fact, I truly only found this peace in the last year. Here is how it happened.

Two years ago my ex moved out. ( It was strongly suggested he move out.) He moved to Wisconsin but he kept coming back every month or so to work here. At first I was miserable and lonely when he left and happy to see him when he visited.  I didn't sleep well, alone in my house, so insomnia conspired to make me miss him more.  The house seemed too quiet so I had the TV on all the time for background people noises. I spent a LOT of time with friends and family. The ex and I chatted on the phone most days. I was lonely.

But then a few months passed and a funny thing happened. The nights of crying myself to sleep stopped. I took Ambien and I slept just fine. I replaced the television noise with silence or music. I started journaling and meditating. In my quiet time I did a great deal of self-reflection.  I grew. I began to enjoy my own company and spent less time with family and friends. I was social but I started craving my alone time. Phone calls and texts with the ex were fewer. I didn't look forward to his visits; they were disruptive to my quiet, peaceful existence. 

People commented on how I was so stressed when he was in town and how happy I was otherwise. I stopped his visits to the house. I smudged my house. I threw out his shit that he left behind. I quit sleeping on "my side of the bed" and spread eagle'd in the middle of the bed with a dog on one side and a cat on the other.  I reclaimed my peaceful house and I am determined to keep it that way.

So I soothe the beast.  I try to have some time every day of just silence, whether it is admiring a beautiful moon, watching hummingbirds on my back deck, or just sitting by the fire with my critters, I make sure to get a bit of it daily.  Quiet reflection allows me to really look at myself and how I interact with others. I really try to be considerate and feel more empathy for others now. In the face of controversy, more often than not, I decide inaction is the best course. A little less talk and a lot of inaction is my motto! Anger and hurt still creep in occasionally, but since most of my time is positive and peaceful, I can move away from the stress and go back to my happy place.

I highly recommend it.