- meditation or serious thought about one's character, actions, and motives.
For the past three years, I have spent a lot of my time doing this. I mean after two failed marriages (both I chose to end), a son who is an addict, with tendencies of someone suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (my two years psych lol), and my very blunt and sometimes too honest side...
Who better for some fine tuning?
What I have learned:
Living alone is very serene. At first it was awkward and scary, but after the initial shock to my system wore off I began craving my solitude. I went from roaming Walmart and Costco just so I could be near other humans to avoiding crowds because they annoyed and overwhelmed me with all the inane small talk and phoniness. Living alone is also empowering. I now know how to change filters in my furnace. I have dug a grave and buried a pet. I have become a master at removing standing water from my basement. I am definitely more self-reliant these days.
I am a very sarcastic person and my sense of humor can be misinterpreted very easily. A friend was complaining about another friend being so negative and as an afterthought she said "You're negative but you're funny so I don't mind you!". I was dumbstruck. I had never considered myself negative. I went down the cosmic wormhole of truth and looked at myself and then I looked at how others interacted with me. If you ever wonder about whether you are perceived as good or evil, nice or jerk, honest or phony, just take a peek at your timeline on Facebook...and not the recent stuff, go back several years. I did and found that for several years I posted a lot of funny, but fairly aggressive memes about a variety of things. I posted a lot of sarcastic comments and though I use sarcasm to make light of unpleasant situations, it can still come off as negative to some people (like my friend).
I had never really considered this a form of negativity, yet...it was. When I looked at those sarcastic memes, I found my friends liked the negative memes a lot more than when I posted happy things. You attract what you put out, so I changed this part of my life too. The only negative things I post are things that resonate with me personally or have affected me in some way. I do not comment on a lot of posts online anymore because I do not like drama and it is no longer important for me to be involved in conversations that I know are toxic and negative. Rest assured that I read that crap, I simply choose to ignore it and not let it annoy me anymore. Unsolicited advice? If you read your older posts and they are negative, and then you read your recent ones and they are negative, and you are still being misunderstood by friends, family and co-workers....self reflection is highly recommended and the results are highly enjoyable and drama-free.
No response is a powerful response. In the past if someone attacked me you can bet your last dollar I was right in the middle of that argument before the ink dried. You never had to worry what I was thinking because I was going to tell you with some colorful words and hand gestures. Now I follow the Papa Joe playbook...I finally learned to choose my battles. Instead of arguing I sit quietly and think about the reason that this person could be directing their negativity and anger toward me. I know that their actions have more to do with themselves and their beliefs than whatever has them so stirred up with me at that moment. More often than not I simply do not respond. This keeps me from escalating the situation, keeps me from saying things or doing things that I might later regret, but most importantly it leaves the aggressor unsure of what comes next.
Unsolicited advice is not always welcome. The old Kim would have jumped right in on the bashing of a friend's husband, boss, mother-in-law, etc I would have offered you a dozen scenarios to help you right the wrong done to you. The new me sits and listens and tells you how sorry I am that you are going through this terrible time and will only offer assistance or advice when I am directly asked what my opinion is. I refuse to get involved in he said/she said or gossiping and tattling anymore. I also have no desire to be around people who think this is acceptable conversation and I try to limit my time around these folks too. Seeing a pattern? lol
Society does not dictate my life. I used to worry what other folks thought about my life. I wanted to be the best and wanted to be good. I felt guilty about a great many things. Now I live my life for me and me alone. If I want that extra sauce and a side of beef to go, I don't worry too much about how many pounds it will pack on me. If I want to eat out 7 days/week I do. If I am not into something I say so. I wear pjs a lot. I swear a lot. I dabble in magical things, which means I don't hide my gifts anymore. I share them instead. I shoot squirrels with my pink bb gun. I no longer feel tremendous guilt for some of the hard choices I have had to make. Life is pretty good when you let go of all that pretense and just simply live.
Of course I could go on, but this gives you an idea of what my definition of self reflection is about. I challenge you to look at yourself with open eyes and an open mind, try that Facebook review and I promise you will see things differently.
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