Does It Serve Me?

Does it serve me? Really? This is what I ask myself when I make decisions about whether to keep something or someone in my life.  Periodically I take inventory and I adjust accordingly.  This might mean me donating some clothes to Goodwill, re-gifting items that I will not use, or maybe selling off old books that no longer interest me.  It can also mean that I occasionally wall myself off from folks that bring heartache, stress and/or pain into my personal life. It's the latter that is on my mind today.

I've recently put myself out into the online dating universe.  Part of my 2019 goals is to get out and be more social....so I am not actively pursuing a man, but I am leaving the door of opportunity open and not really ruling it out either. You might be asking why I would put myself through this craziness and it would be a fair question. My best answer is that I am tired of people asking me why I don't date and why I don't have a man in my life. (It's like an experiment if you will. Does Kimmy really need a man in her life....like loads of well-meaning folks think? Or is she really just going to be content being the single crone? lol)  Now in the past, putting myself in a vulnerable position, a position to have countless men look at a few pictures of me and my life, and read my own words, telling a little about what characteristics I hope for in my ideal mate, and then waiting patiently while the man decides if they think I am interesting and attractive....or not....would totally have stressed me out. But asking myself if my would-be suitor serves me has taken the stress out of this venture.

But now you might be wondering what this crazy woman means when she asks "Does this serve me?".  Another fair question. Here is what it means to me:

Does this person bring me more happiness than pain and stress?
Does the good outweigh the bad most of the time? If so, what percentage of my happiness am I willing to put aside to work on this relationship?
Does this person seem genuine?
Can they appreciate me as I am, with no pretense or expectations of me being anyone less than who I am?
Does giving up my alone time feel like an inconvenience or does it feel better than my peaceful solitude?
Am I willing to give up parts of me to be part of an us?
Does being with this person improve my life?

So how does this play out in life?

Date #1 doesn't like Star Wars, only likes movies about true-life (although he posted he liked "the feel good moment of a feel good movie"), had three kids that he bitched about being ungrateful, was not TALL.

 I like Star Wars a LOT. If you are willing to complain about your kids on a first date, you are WAY too negative to be in my peaceful existence. Not being tall is not a deal breaker, but it was the third strike on a very nice, attractive man because he didn't serve me.



Date #2 was not TALL (sensing a theme?), immediately started calling me Baby in his very country accent and he kept trying to rub my neck and shoulders.

He definitely didn't serve me. lol  In fact, after the show, when he asked what we were going to do next, I answered "I'm not sure what you are doing, but I am going to the house."

This outlook applies to other kinds of rejections as well. Does it serve me to feel badly.....

When an attractive man shows distaste for my tattoos?
When my pottymouth is frowned upon by a potential date?
When I reject a nice man who mansplains something to me multiple times?
When a man sends me messages to tell me how ignorant I am because I don't support Trump?
When a man sends me messages with comments about my breasts?


I know that I am not the Kim for everyone. I love my tattoos and I don't ever want to be made to feel bad for the beautiful art on my body. I know I am not ignorant, in fact I have a fairly high IQ. Most of the time I let intellectual condescension roll off my back, but when looking for my ideal mate it doesn't serve me. I have large breasts. I got used to men gawking at them when I was in my 20's and I joke about them myself now, but let me assure you that I do not feel an ounce of remorse for rejecting men that lead with comments about my body. I am no prude, but I am more than a nice rack and if a man objectifies me, he doesn't serve me.


Maybe I should just scratch dating and start answering "Why don't you have a man, honey?" with


 "Because it doesn't fucking serve me."